I got a vibrator for my birthday.
I’ve always wanted to buy one myself so, even if it wasn’t exactly what I would have chosen (but then again 35% of my time spent on the internet involves reading sex blogs and more specifically, sex toys reviewers’ blogs), I was nonetheless very thankful and very excited. I spent the following week trying it every single night. I didn’t even care anymore what my flatmate thought that buzzing noise was, and and why it went on for hours every night. I didn’t care. All I cared about was that I had to cum.
It finally happened tonight, although I have to say, I’m not giving the toy full credit for it. There are more types of vibrators in this world than I could possibly try, but I know that there has to be one for everyone. And yet, I think the problem is not the vibrator itself, but me. I’m sure some of you can relate, too.
See, ever since I started masturbating, I’ve been doing it a certain way. My masturbation method doesn’t even involve rubbing the clitoris. It involves a lot of pressure on it, as well as on one specific point somewhere at the entrance of the vagina. If anyone could let me know what that might be and why it gives me such amazing orgasms, please do, so far I found no explanation. But anyway, that’s how I do it and, as you could imagine, it’s making it quite difficult for me to cum with a partner, because it would be practically impossible for them to do it exactly as I do it. So my solution was to find a new method.
So I chose the “normal” way, which would be the stimulation of the clit. So I grabbed my new toy, which is a “G-spot/Prostate Vibrator” (yes, I googled it) and it’s purple and quite simplistic. I started to warm up with gentle rubbing and touching all over and then put the vibrator directly on my clitoris. And I held it there. A long time. Well I obviously moved it around a bit trying to find that perfect spot (spoiler: I didn’t), but still, I had it there for quite a while, all while trying to summon my hottest fantasies. Soon enough, though, I was getting bored. I was getting so bored I actually considered faking an orgasm. That’s only supposed to happen during terrible sex, not during happy self time.
So I sighed, turned it off, and told myself I’d do it my usual way, just try to incorporate the vibrator somehow. So here’s how it went down (ha, ha): lying down, I crossed my legs, squeezing my thighs together and started moving the toy inside and outside my thighs (this…sounds very not appealing but it felt good, I swear). I made sure it touched both my clit and that tiny, magic spot I like, and I applied pressure there. I came in like five minutes and it was sort of like my normal orgasms, maybe just less strong.
Why am I writing this? Because vibrators do not guarantee orgasms. Because how you masturbate can and will influence the sex you will have with partners. Sure, other parts come into play then – having another body close to you makes a huge difference but in the end, an orgasm is an orgasm and if you only learn to have it one way, it’s a habit hard to unlearn. I have to adapt. I want to learn to stimulate my clitoris. I want to learn to cum easier, because I’m sure it’s possible.
And after having watched a TED Talk given by Amy Cuddy on body language, there I was in the bathroom, back straight, shoulders back, huge smile on my face and maintaining a power posture while cleaning my vibrator.
Oh, one more thing: even though the thing is intended to stimulate the G-spot, there is no way I can use it like that, because it simply won’t fit. And when it does go in (with copious amounts of coconut oil), it hurts and feels anything but pleasant. Yay.